Author Topic: Hello  (Read 152 times)

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Offline crazychris

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« on: May 12, 2018, 07:47:32 PM »
Hi. Chris here from East London aged 58. Going through an absolute nightmare at present as our only daughter, Rachel, 22, died suddenly without having any illness three weeks ago yesterday. She was found collapsed and dead on her bedroom floor. They've released her body but don't have a cause of death yet and think maybe adult death syndrome but are waiting for further tests on the brain and heart. Wasn't suicide and she hadn't taken drugs. We could have a funeral but without those. Who wants to cremate or bury their only child without a brain or heart? So we have to wait up to 4 months. My wife and I are in a living hell and think we'll wake up from a bad dream any second. She'd just graduated last year. She had a boyfriend for 6 years and he's devastated too.

I've suffered from depression all my adult life and now the only thing barely keeping me going is Rachel's little beagle dog as I have to look after it and take her out for her sake. If we hadn't got her I'd end it all today. I know that for certain. My mum died 2 years ago too and my wife and I don't get on but still live together so I have no-one now. I took the dog out earlier today and my legs felt like jelly and I could hardly walk. I can't stop crying and neither can my wife. So young. She was beautiful too, combination of Filipino mum and English dad.

We saw her last Friday and it was the worst time of my life.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Hello
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2018, 09:44:17 PM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:  you must be in such shock right now
Bereavement is so isolating, even in a close relationship can feel so alone, such is the strength of the emotions.  It is a rollercoaster, but you're not alone here.  It will get easier in time but is a rough journey

We're not trained professionals here but everyone here has lost loved ones and are at different stages of the journey. Hold on to those times with her beagle, dogs are so supportive.  I hope talking with us helps xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline longedge

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Re: Hello
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2018, 01:06:52 PM »
My deepest sympathy Chris. We all know the pain and despair of grief in our own way. Grab whatever support and help you can get  :hug:
I'll never get over losing her but,
one day I might learn to live with it.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Karena

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Re: Hello
« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2018, 11:49:32 AM »
 :hug: keep talking, you have us now, and even though its a virtual world we will be here as long as you need us to be. As mz said we are not professionals, but grief is something we are all too familiar with. Please dont be afraid to seek professional help as well though, i did find bereavement counselling helped.
keep looking after the dog,our dog pretty much saved my life when my husband died,because i knew there was no-one else who would take him.
Even though you and your wife dont get on under normal circumstances and you probably feel you dont have a future together, you are united in grief for your lovely daughter, and for now clinging on too the same piece of wreckage. You will reach the shore eventually but better to hold on together than both trying to swim alone, so supporting each other through the worst of this, no matter if the shore means separation afterwards because despite being very different from each other in many ways, what you have and what will always remain is shared grief but also a shared love.Your daughters love for both of you, and both of yours for her.