Author Topic: 3 losses in 3 months...feeling so down  (Read 190 times)

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3 losses in 3 months...feeling so down
« on: May 17, 2018, 05:09:41 PM »
Well 2018 has been one hell of a year...
Lost my father in Law in January
Lost my mum day after my birthday in March
Lost Gran in April.

I tried my hardest to support my husband through his loss but he hasn't really grieved properly as my mum dies soon after so he was trying to support me as best he could. Had a really bad time when my mum passed. We had a very complex relationship and we not speaking at the time she passed. She dies of a sudden heart attack and wasn't found until 10 days later. I'm self employed and work with children so I could only take 1 day off before the funeral. I'm not gonna lie...working along side 6 kids of all ages.. I barely coped. My sybling s were terrible and left all the planning of funeral, calling companies etc up to me (even though I was working full time). Managed to get a week holiday 2 weeks after my mother funeral and was glad to have time just to process and have time to grieve. Unfortunately this week our gran passed away too. This was now the third loss and felt that I could grief my mother because of the new loss. Grans funeral took place (unfortunately) on my mum's birthday. It was a very tough day but again haven't had any time off work and feel as it the whole world is in my shoulders. Husband and my relationship is strange. We are both so low, tired, sad and sometimes angry and we take it out on each other.  Neither of us have had time grieve our parents properly.
I have lost the desire to work. I don't feel like I'm getting a break and it's like I'm being gradually worn out. I don't know what to do...feeling lost.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: 3 losses in 3 months...feeling so down
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2018, 10:28:19 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:
Bereavement really takes its toll in relationships, its so hard when you are both so raw and hurting. Try and be gentle with each other, if you can gain support from friends or the forum it can help ease the pressure a little, it will get easier
Its so hard that life continues at the usual pace. If you are able to carve out some time for yourself, and increase tlc it can help  :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: 3 losses in 3 months...feeling so down
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2018, 11:13:51 AM »
 :hug:I agree with Emz you need to take time for yourself,even if its just 20 minutes a day sat in the bath or in the garden, or a quiet place where you can regroup and process whats happened in your own mind.Its very difficult to support some-one through their grief when your own is so raw as well.
So spending time here, creating an outlet for yourself, writing your own feelings down,will help you be stronger for your husband.

I lost interest in work too but i had to keep going and going through the motions,interest does return eventually but i think when it does, what comes with it is a new attitude,so many of us define ourselves through work. If you get introduced to some-one "what do you do for a living" is the standard question, and our answer puts us in  a slot - person of further interest or not so we put ourselves in there too. We may or may not enjoy the job, but what has happened brings it home too us that  life is horribly short so i need to do more, to make sure i live it and not just work my way through it. Some people change their job, or direction because of that, others change hours or location to free up more time - For now while everything else is going on, going through the motions is enough.  :hug: