Author Topic: New to all this lost my partner 3 months ago at age of 28  (Read 132 times)

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Offline Kirsty

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Hi am new to all this and donít really know what to say. I lost my partner on March he was only 28 years old. I feel like I am coping aswell as I can but am struggling to get my head around the fact am never going to see him again and people keep mentioning that one day I will move on and find someone new which makes me feel physically sick at the thought of not being with my partner

Offline jcass

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Re: New to all this lost my partner 3 months ago at age of 28
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2018, 09:05:18 PM »
Hi

Sorry you find yourself here, people do say silly move on things, I usually answer - tell me how and I will, it shuts them up. How can anyone ever replace the one you loose, but I know it can happen. My husband will be gone 6 months on Friday and I still cant accept it, I tried forcing it by telling myself everyday he wasn't coming back but that didn't work I'd look at his picture and say its just not possible that I wont see you again. I think when we are strong enough to deal with it we will. At present I'm having a couple of good days but I know that wont last I can feel it building up again and then my world will come crashing down. I made a decision to deal with this my way and not how others think I should, there's no rules or guidelines to follow, we make our own way. I make no plans and no promises to anyone and if I wish to curl up on the floor and cry I will and if friends or family don't like it well then leave. Its our grief and ours to deal with. Cant say you will feel better soon because that would be lying, don't really know what to say to help you so just thought Id tell you my thoughts. Reading the posts here has helped me because I know Im not the only one with the mad thoughts and feelings. J x

Offline Lost675

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Re: New to all this lost my partner 3 months ago at age of 28
« Reply #2 on: July 05, 2018, 12:58:18 AM »
I try not to think of the reality of our situation because it's cripplingly. Everyone says time heals but I think it's just a case of as time goes on we get more used to having to live without them. We won't get over it or accept it, how can when we loved them so much, we'll just learn live with it because we have no choice. Maybe we'll get used to the pain and that will become our new normal. My husband will have been gone 6 months on Sunday. I cry more now than ever, a deep sad crying of missing him rather than a panicked missing him. I do get panicked sometimes but not as often as I did at first. I assume that's what time has done. I get told I'm doing well or I'm brave, both ridiculous things to say because I'm neither, it's not a choice, if it was I'd run a mile from it! I will never love anyone like I love him but in time (and a long time at that) I hope I will be able to love again, and be loved but who knows. It's unthinkable at the moment but I do know having found it with my husband that love is the meaning of life.  Hang in there, 3 months is still a very short time. As jcass says, do things your way, it's your grief and do whatever helps you get through day to day.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: New to all this lost my partner 3 months ago at age of 28
« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2018, 07:35:56 AM »
I do think we rebuild our lives around the grief,  it doesn't go away but over time it does change /we learn how to live with it.  It doesn't stay the same intense pain of the first few weeks.
I think one of the difficulties is that the movement through grief can be so subtle we don't think we've moved forward. A diary can help, looking back over months of entries those subtle differences are much more apparent. When feeling bad now it's hard to remember how bad it felt before - there are 'levels' of bad (all personal to us) - that's the part that changed for me. 
I'm 5 years down the line and the missing feeling on a general day is definitely different. On anniversary days or when a memory is triggered it can get more intense but nowhere near the missing that I felt at the start which was accompanied with physical pain
Hope any of that makes sense! Xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx