Author Topic: Loss of wife  (Read 80 times)

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Offline gary83619

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Loss of wife
« on: July 10, 2018, 02:53:23 AM »
I lost my wife 2 years ago to mnd (als) (motor neurones disease) I am 35 now was 33 and my wife was a little older than me at 59 of the age of her passing.  May I just say age was never the issue we loved each other as if we were 22 years each/55 years each. We weíre kindred spirits   I looked after her as her illness took itís toll. 2 years from diagnosis. May I also add I knew her that well that I diagnosed her 6 months before any docs or consultants.  I donít know how to move on my friends, her and her family want/ wanted me too. I now struggle to communicate with people.  Itís almost like hope ya all seen it.  Micheal Myers film     I lost my mojo.  She was my heart my soul and everything I wanted in life now Iím alone. And struggling with everyday communication

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Loss of wife
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2018, 07:42:24 AM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:  you will find friendly people here who understand, everyone has lost someone xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline The Laird Of Galloway, Scotland

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Re: Loss of wife
« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2018, 05:44:46 PM »
Hi Gary,
Age is just a number and means nothing, I have had severe Anxiety/panic attacks for around 20 years and i can understand exactly how you feel about communicating with others, I still cannot use telephones if it rings and i'm not expecting the call so you can imagine how i was having to arrange my wife's funeral in February (i was terrified and many times i tried to speak and no sodding sound came out which doesn't help ) I struggled to do all the arrangements and contacting banks etc to close my wife's accounts etc which was a nightmare (if you don't have all the passwords for online bank accounts then they freeze the accounts and I tried to close Ruth's but they wouldn't do it so I couldn't change direct debits etc over to my own accounts. The funeral went off as it should and i have finally managed to sort out my bank account but now the place is like a ghost town with just me and Rory (Puppy) but we are coping so heading in the right direction hopefully. You will gradually improve when meeting people etc but its a slow process and you really do have to force yourself to get out and about.....I am doing it now and to tell ya the truth it scares the C*** out of me but i do it in small stages like calling into local shops and try to let people know you are a local and the more people see you about the more chance of them chatting to ya which will help build your confidence etc.
Good luck for the future and you would be surprised just how many people walking about who are going through the same as us on the forum....I know it feels so sodding lonely when your suddenly on your own but keep coming on the forum even if its just to chat about daft stuff (like me making loaves of bread or having my boot nicked by a Fox) you will start to feel more comfortable to talk about things and will help ease the anxiety.....I would still struggle having to meet a stranger for the first time as its a long slow process but its given me the urge to try and live my life instead of just existing.
Cheers
Brian
ps I love Michael Myers movies lol  once scared Ruth with a mask and she called me all the names in the world that aren't polite lol.

Offline heabscot

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Re: Loss of wife
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2018, 11:26:43 PM »
I have just lost my wife of 20 years, she was 60 and iím 40. Age was never an issue in our relationship as we loved each other unconditionally and was my soulmate ❤️. Iím scared of moving forward because i feel lost without her, like i donít know who iam anymore. I have really bad anxiety when going to bed and sometimes wait till itís light. She was my best friend and now i donít have that anymore. I never really thought i would affect me so much in the manner it has, your confidence is shot, your anger resonates in even the most trivial of situations. Iím a Paramedic and have dealt with the other side of this in acute or end of life scenarios but nothing prepares you for how grief affects you as itís so personal. There are all sorts of models of grief but no one grief is the same, itís just how we personallly deal with it i suppose, based on our own experiences, opinions and expectations.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Loss of wife
« Reply #4 on: July 13, 2018, 08:38:10 AM »
Grief is such a surprise, we are never told what to expect and even if we were taught, the intensity and volume of our personal grief would still take us by surprise.  Emotions so strong you feel the pain of loss as a physical pain, the flow of emotions taking over every aspect of your life.  Time does help but it can feel such a slow journey - I certainly feel a different 'me' now

There are many similarities yet our journeys are unique. I think the strength of this forum is the shared experience, everyone at different stages helping each other on this rollercoaster  :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx