Author Topic: Five years  (Read 57 times)

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Offline Niftysixty7

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Five years
« on: August 20, 2018, 08:36:37 AM »

Itís five years this Thursday......FIVE YEARS....sometimes seems like yesterday, where has that time gone. Iíd hoped to be in a different place,state of mind, have found some inner happiness, and of course to a certain extent l have. Have moved, a home and she wraps herself around me and a garden that soothes the soul. I should be happy shouldnít l? So why am l not.

  The life l have has sooo much to be thankful for, and l am, but Iíd trade it all in to have him back. I have made a new life, left the old one behind, including friends and family, new friends, new life, itís the only way l can move on. But the hole which is still there, may be smaller, but still hurts like hell.
Itís easier to watch couples, envy tinged with a little sadness for them, they, at some stage have this to come. Who would want this.

   Tried the dating game, met many men, it isnít going to do it for me, big boots to fill, so will love, pamper and spoil myself. Is it easier, some days a struggle, especially this month, but Iím very lucky, wish for nothing......so will wallow this week, cry as and when, go breath in my garden, look at my view, and try to be thankful.   Love to all, its a hard road. 💋💋 

Offline Karena

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Re: Five years
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2018, 03:30:53 PM »
 :hug: :hug: :hug:
Five years i remember being startled that five years had passed,  two years later  I  also find the greatest peace in my garden or surounded by nature away from people  - and have in many ways got used to the changes but not altogether lost the fear of making my own decisions entirely alone,or being somewhere entirely alone, but learned to do it despite the fear  -I also find that the hole isnt filled - maybe just covered over then something or some-one pulls the cover back off and i have to stop myself falling back into it . Happiness - well if you mean that ecstatic kind that you get when you fall in love  - then no -but perhaps content is enough -   i have learned to settle for peace  and i have learned to be alone more than lonely, although sometimes i still am lonely - i laugh but sometimes i wonder if i looked into a mirror right now do my eyes  reflect that laugh because  it feels quite empty. Dating i cant imagine - but then i have never "dated" in the traditional sense -  i suspect i never will.
Is seven years on better than five was - yes i think it is,  i have certainly become stronger, but perhaps also because i am no longer startled that i still miss him.