Author Topic: 8 months feeling worse  (Read 116 times)

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Offline Lemondrizzle

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8 months feeling worse
« on: October 12, 2018, 06:00:25 PM »
It is nearly 8 months since I lost my husband to prostrate cancer at aged 57.
I feel worse now than earlier.i hate weekends and evenings.i only have to think of him and start crying.i keep going over the day he died in my head.
It was so unexpected he woke up with swollen legs we went to hospital and they wanted to do scans etc but first wanted to put a catheter in and he swore and said I don.t want that.My son and daughter arrived and we said to him we will go and get coffee while you have scan etc.
When we came back after half hour he had passed away.doctor had been trying to ring me.
It was heartbreaking seeing my son and daughter hugging him and crying .I just keep reliving this in my mind.
I didn't know whether to go to bereavement counciling.but think it would make me feel worse.has anyone found this useful.
Some days I just think what's the point in life.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: 8 months feeling worse
« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2018, 02:25:15 PM »
I know some of our members have found bereavement counselling helpful, so would suggest giving it a go. It can really help to talk  :hearts:
That is quite a traumatic memory too so you may find it helps to seek out a trained counsellor who is trained to help with traumatic memories  :hug:
It's a journey that takes quite some time and is quite a rollercoaster so try and be gentle with yourself. Focus on small steps forward, they're not as overwhelming xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: 8 months feeling worse
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2018, 11:20:30 AM »
My husband died 7 years agao and even though i know 8 months doesnt feel like it, it is early days.My GP sugested counselling and i was reluctant but desperate - it did help - i doesnt "cure" grief and the first two sessions i felt worse afterwards but over time it did help me to understand and deal better with the emotions i was experiencing.I also found talking here helped enormousely too. :hug:

Offline Jacqui

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Re: 8 months feeling worse
« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2018, 08:26:15 AM »
Hi, just read your post and experiencing exact same and also 8 months since I lost my husband. The pain and reliving of the trauma is overwhelming and all consuming but as you have said worse now than a few months ago.  I am thinking it is due to winter and festive season approaching which I know is going to be unbearable. I have become agrophobic and over anxious about everything so canít face counselling but for many I know it does help.   :hug:

Offline Karena

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Re: 8 months feeling worse
« Reply #4 on: November 01, 2018, 11:35:17 AM »
Its difficult for me to judge because i have SAD anyway - so was always affected by the season - but i would say it has definitely got worse because there are none of the winter time consolations of lit fires and cups of tea made and above all hugs. In summer we can go outside and  be among nature more easilly - i,ve always been an outdoors person - but having said that it too has its difficultys as thats when you see loads of couples around.

The only way to get through is to tackle each of these as they come up rather than trying to think too far ahead - generally day to day -
but i know things like xmas are hard to ignore - i decided i would compromise and create different traditions -so although i have lunch and buy presents for my grandkids i now look at christmas from the outside - some-one elses festival  in which i am a guest for one part of - so instead of a xmas tree we decorate an outdoor tree with home made bird seed cakes and popcorn strings - the grandkids love that - even the older two who now get to climb the tree to put them up (something normally forbidden) - i dont send xmas cards - because i couldnt face writing them just from me - so i put stuff in the foodbanks and asked others to do the same rather than send them to me -  but i make a handful of new years card for friends  and my house is decorated to let in the light -(pagan new year tradition) - so it isnt devoid of festivity just different festivity and actually something more about me than xmas ever was - the helping nature and letting in of light - so something like that needs to be something that appeals to you and perhaps you do need to think ahead on  - but the first year i just went along with what others wanted, took days off work on the anniversary and his birthday initially without knowing how i would actually spend them. then panning to either do a specific thing or do nothing if it turned out i couldnt cope with that. What i have found though is that the dread of them coming up was worse than the day itself and thats something many others here have said as well.  :hug: