Author Topic: Re different person  (Read 261 times)

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Offline Changed

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Re different person
« on: December 05, 2018, 09:39:17 PM »
Hi there
My husband died 5 weeks ago today following about 7 weeks of feeling ill and a collapse 3.5 weeks before he died when we were told he had Acute Myeloid Leukaemia and there was no hope. There followed some desperate days in hospital, at home and then hospice.

I used Changed as my name because I no longer feel the same person.  We met and married in our teens and were married 53 years. I now realise that I am not who I thought I was and that I only felt quite strong before because of my husband and now Iím a mess.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Re different person
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2018, 09:51:26 PM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:

Bereavement and the grief journey most certainly changes us, I know I'm different since my losses. Its a rollercoaster journey, but you're not alone here xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Changed

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Re: Re different person
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2018, 09:43:30 PM »
Thank you for your reply.

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Re different person
« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2018, 10:49:30 PM »
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It must be so very hard after so many years together. I am sure you must feel terribly lost.

As Emz says, suffering a loss does change you, but it sounds like it is still very early days for you. I think losing someone close does make you feel very vulnerable and it certainly leaves you in shock. In my experience, it takes a long time to get past those feelings to any real extent. They say the first year is the hardest. Perhaps it is, but I find there are waves of days when it all seems worse than other days.

Be patient and gentle with yourself. Certainly for at least the first six months, I wouldn't expect to feel much better. Just concentrate on surviving. Remember to eat and drink, but other than that, just do whatever you need to do. In time, acceptance comes and slowly you find a way forward. Just take it a day at a time.

I expect you probably are stronger than you think, but you have just suffered the worst blow that you are ever likely to, so it may take a while before you recover any of that strength yet. In the meantime, we are all here for you to help support you.

Sending hugs...

Offline Changed

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Re: Re different person
« Reply #4 on: December 14, 2018, 09:51:52 PM »
Thank you Sandra, for your words

I am finding that all I can think about are the awful last weeks of my husbandís life.  He was so shocked and angry and desperate after he got his diagnosis and knowing there was no hope.  The days and nights are just a frightening blur in my head.

I feel guilty saying it but I am so envious of people who have lost someone suddenly so they never knew the agony. I know the shock must be horrendous but you can still remember the person as they were and not as I do.
I apologise if I have offended or hurt anyone writing that.

Offline longedge

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Re: Re different person
« Reply #5 on: December 14, 2018, 11:01:27 PM »
Don't apologise - we are all in the same boat but what we each have gone through is unique. We all travel a different path in our grief. What we all seem to share are the same emotions and reactions at various stages. If you're like me then eventually you'll be able to replace the bad memories with good ones  :hug:
I'll never get over losing her and I used to think that eventually
I would learn to live with it - that's not happened yet.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Karena

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Re: Re different person
« Reply #6 on: December 17, 2018, 12:01:08 PM »
 :hug:I think we all should have your name - because grief does change us - and at first the grief itself creates such trauma that we cant see a way through it. perhaps the idea of some-one being the wind beneath our wings takes on new meaning as we find out just exactly how much that person was and the ways in which they did keep us flying that we maybe didnt realise before -  Sometimes we dont like the people we change into - maybe some-one more angry or more anxious prone to panic attacks and less confident, but as we go through those changes they are also rolling and shifting as time goes on - we may never be the same person we were before we lost them - how can we be - but it is possible to become some-one we like and can live with and only then realise that they are still there beneath our wings, we lost them in the turbulent storm of grief but they were always there -  not in the physical sense they were before, but they remain in our souls and give us the lift we need to carry on.

Offline Cathy2018

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Re: Re different person
« Reply #7 on: January 20, 2019, 10:42:42 PM »
Hello changed

I feel the same. My husband died 5 months ago. I donít know who I am without him. And Iím a mess. Just joined this site yesterday in despair. Hopefully we can all get some comfort and support.

Take care

Cathy