Author Topic: Missing my mum  (Read 15 times)

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Offline Autumnleaves

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Missing my mum
« on: December 06, 2018, 08:15:02 AM »
Hello again,
As I said in the introductory post I lost my mum suddenly nearly seven weeks ago. Can it really only be that long ago? It feels like an eternity. I've been through a whole range of emotions. Shock was the worst one so far because she died suddenly. I had only just been to visit them (so thankful for that now), flew back from Glasgow to Bristol, then the next day my brother phoned to say she had died. Just like that. After the worst flight in the world (sobbing uncontrollably at airport) and a sleepless night, we learnt that it had probably been a heart attack. Poor mummy, she had suffered from many things in her life and in the end death took her unexpectedly.

We were glad for her; it seemed it had been swift and pain short-lived; as if life had been painful enough for heer. But oh, the pain, the hole, the emptiness, the sheer nooooooooooooooo! It left us (my two brothers, dad and I)
It's exhausting typing about it now; I hoped it would help, and perhaps it will in time, but there's such a deep agony and pain still. I wish I had friends closer who could help. I'm eventually going to move back up to Scotland which means leaving my partner. This had been on the cards for nearly a year anyway, mum's passing has just hastened the decision and yet there's so much to think about and process my mind keeps going into meltdown.

My mummy was the most beautiful, kindest, selfless person in the world. I just can't believe she's not still there. Losing a mum is perhaps the most difficult loss because she was the person who gave me life - how can my life continue without her? I have seriously asked myself that question many times and yet I know it happens to everyonhe at some point in their life.

"If this is just my grief," I asked my partner at the airport on the day she died, "there might be others here in this mass who have also just heard devastating news. How come we're not being squashed into the ground? The weight is too much. IT'S TOO BIG. It's a dream, isn't it? They'll phone again in a minute to say they made a mistake. She was just asleep. Tell me it's not true!" Those were some of the words I screamed out at my poor partner minutes after hearing the news.

It's too painful to write any more. I thought it was going to get easier, but I don't think it is. I have nothing in life to look forward to. I've had a headache for 10 days and those icons are driving me mad!
Thanks for reading,
B

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Missing my mum
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2018, 08:32:33 AM »
Sending a hug  :hug:
It will get easier, I'm 5 years down the line having lost my dad suddenly at too young an age.  Its a rollercoaster journey and it can go ever so slowly sometimes.  Be gentle with yourself, keep talking, the start of the journey feels like hell.  You're not alone here  :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Kes1968

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Re: Missing my mum
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2018, 09:23:37 AM »
I lost my mum in February this year and it completely devastated me, itís still very early days, and sometimes I just canít believe sheís really gone 😥😥😥 time is a great healer but I think you find your own ways of dealing with your loss xx these forums have been invaluable to me, big hugs xxx