Author Topic: Am I right to be angry?  (Read 23 times)

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Offline Chrisii1991

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Am I right to be angry?
« on: December 07, 2018, 02:59:48 PM »
In September my ex fiance who I cared full time for collapsed and died in front of me. I then had to move out of our home together. I have been getting stronger and getting myself together since having now found employment and finished my grief counseling. Since Ieft the flat I have not been able to go near it due to the distress of him dying there and being unable to deal with someone else living there. I have had a comfortable feeling believing the flat was still empty as I have never known if someone else was there until yesterday when my current boyfriend walked past and rang me saying people are now living there. I wasn't ready to deal with that knowledge. I wanted to walk past in my own time when I felt ready and be able to accept it but he took that away from me. So today I have been in a state and I ended up walking past and seeing new tables in there and the walls having been painted over. I broke down on the ground sobbing. Am I right to be angry with my boyfriend for not thinking about my feelings? Any advice please?

Offline The Laird Of Glencairn, Scotland

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Re: Am I right to be angry?
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2018, 11:14:59 PM »
I am angry about loads of things to do with my wife dying and even though i know i cannot change anything i am still VERY angry and its fortunate that the locum who basically let her die lives hundreds of miles away in Colchester otherwise he might not be around too long.....i think most people who are grieving will have some sort of anger and it could be like myself over treatment or like yourself seeing your old home with a new family in.....your new boyfriend wouldn't have told ya to upset ya us blokes sometimes don't think the same as our wives/girlfriends and to be honest i would have probably done the same but nowt to do with upsetting ya. I still look at my old homes on Google Earth and wonder who lives there now and wonder if they have found my old guitar in the loft or boxes full of motorbike parts for that classic bike i never got round to building. As for not thinking about your feelings one of my sisters said to me last week "at least you won't need to search for pressies for Ruth this year"  and for a moment i felt like punching her but some people say stuff without really thinking......so i just replied "No need you wasting money on Makeup  when ya can't polish a turd" LOL. They say things improve in time so its early days and we will have to wait and see..

Offline Karena

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Re: Am I right to be angry?
« Reply #2 on: Today at 11:14:15 AM »
being angry is a normal part of grieveing so being angry isnt wrong in itself - but its also a time when we are very sensative to what people say, I,m sure your boyfriend had no intention to hurt you - maybe he was even trying to spare you the shock of finding out yourself so that you are prepared for the time you may want to walk past or for the time when some-one else tells you - so perhaps he is guilty of clumsiness in the way he told you but had good intentions.
I find anger very difficult to deal with - i have always internalised it and made everything my fault . But a couple of years ago after a neighbour issue i had an overwhelming urge to get out and away from it and stomped rather than walked up the hill behind the house - but the energy that went into doing that got rid of the anger so that has become my outlet - bottle banks - legitimatly breaking glass - or sitting in the car away from anyone and screaming are others people here have used in the past - but however you do it - i think its always best to get rid of it that way before approaching the person who has triggered it - then when you are feeling more rational you can think more clearly and if their action still angers you at least approach it calmly and explain too them more calmly why it made you angry or upset. :hug: