Author Topic: Would She Know She Was Dying  (Read 93 times)

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Offline PetetheRef

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Would She Know She Was Dying
« on: January 30, 2019, 12:07:35 AM »
My Wife Denise sadly passed away on 1st December 2018 at 1am, prior to this she had a what I can describe as a respitory mask on forcing oxygen into her lungs but also making sure she exhaled, for the whole of the day she was I can assume in & out of concionous but when I got the call to go in eyes were shut, the hospital staff told me nothing more could be done for her & the wanted my permission to remove the mask but to still give her oxygen via a 2 pronged thing up her nose & as they explained her breathing would get shallower until she took her last gasp & then she would have passed, my question would she have known she was dying as she never opened her eyes or any movement during her last hours?

Offline The Laird Of Glencairn, Scotland

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Re: Would She Know She Was Dying
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2019, 09:51:33 PM »
I have the same going through my head every night, did Ruth know what was happening to her.....not being able to talk to her before she died is killing me slowly......i can get no answers from anyone but i see her struggling to breath every night so now i stay awake as long as i can. it does make you wonder what they can hear and my doctors cannot/won't say anything to me........they are all so terrified of being blamed (which in Ruth's case they were) that they say they know nothing. All I know is its going to stay in my head until the day i join her. We may never know the truth but one thing for certain is you loved her and she will have known that for sure.....take care.

Offline PetetheRef

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Re: Would She Know She Was Dying
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2019, 10:23:03 PM »
I don't blame them for her death as she had been battling cancer & was due to be re-scanned in January so they were giving her a break when it all went wrong, what I cannot understand is why did they not detect the blood clot on her lungs earlier as this was affecting her oxygen saturation, I know nothing can be done now.

I know she is out of pain & at peace & i'm glad I was there to the very end & I never realised how much I loved her till she has gone.  Don't beat yourself up over what has happened as it will only affect your quality of life & you will end up ill, i'm only 2 months in, in my bereavement yes I still cry & hug her pillow but I know she would want me to be happy & not dwell on what has happened.

I'm planning a few things I wanted to do with her so she will be in my thoughts when I do them & will certainly be taking a picture of her with me.

TC friend if you want to message me feel free maybe we can help each other thru this.

Regards
Pete


Offline The Laird Of Glencairn, Scotland

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Re: Would She Know She Was Dying
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2019, 12:04:31 AM »
Hi Pete,
Ruth died of a blood clot to her lungs......and when the ambulance arrived at my home at midnight they tried to do an ECG but their machine had a built in mobile phone but they couldn't get a signal (we are very rural) i told them to try my phone but it wasn't compatible with the machine so they decided to take her straight to A & E  I followed them and arrived around 30 minutes after them by which time there was a doctor standing in the doorway having a fag and he just said "sorry we couldn't save her"  and walked off. As far as i knew she had flu and was only sick for 24 hours before she died. Regarding the blood clots in her lung if she had the ECG at my home it would have told them she was having trouble on the left side of her heart which is a clear sign of blood clots and they should have given her blood thinning medicine to break up the clots and the machine would have told the hospital to be ready but not in our case (also found out the doctor who supposedly tried to save her was actually sat outside in his car having a fag and she was left on a trolley in the corridor and she was still in the corridor when i arrived) there were also other things happening that shouldn't have like nurses taking selfies and practicing dance moves while she lay 20ft away from the desk dying.....these are the things haunting me every night.....i know nothing can be done about it but it just feels so wrong......24 hours earlier she didn't have a cold and was rounding up sheep and horse riding and was perfectly fit. ah well I'm off out on an Owl hunt tis a bit chilly but the fresh air does me good. Take care and hope you find some answers. cheers

Offline jackie11

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Re: Would She Know She Was Dying
« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2019, 08:55:36 PM »
@PetetheRef

My dad passed away on 2nd Jan this year in a similiar situation. His lungs were bad and the doctors said there was no more they could do for him as the mask wasn't really making him better, it became the only thing keeping him alive. He could no longer clear the CO2 himself so a few hours after removing the mask he suffocated and died. He was sleeping a lot and not sure if he was conscious enough to know what was going on in his last few hours.

Btw I am very sorry for your loss.

Offline PetetheRef

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Re: Would She Know She Was Dying
« Reply #5 on: February 04, 2019, 11:51:11 PM »
Hi Jackie, my condolences at your loss, I cannot understand in this day & age they could not get rid of a blood clot, like your dad my wife too could not get rid of her CO2 her blood was turning acidic, unfortunately I cannot change what has happened just wish they could have found the clot earlier & maybe she would still be with me.

Offline jackie11

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Re: Would She Know She Was Dying
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2019, 06:33:48 PM »
Hi @PetetheRef Thank you :)