Author Topic: The pain of being a link between past and future.  (Read 41 times)

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Offline longedge

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The pain of being a link between past and future.
« on: May 09, 2019, 10:31:38 PM »
I was once young with a family in the offing and a future ahead of  me. Now I'm waiting for God but praying that their future might be as bright as mlne once was  :rainbow:
I'll never get over losing her and I used to think that eventually
I would learn to live with it - that's not happened yet.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Karena

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Re: The pain of being a link between past and future.
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2019, 12:13:17 PM »
yep i,m sat in the middle - the eldest of the familly too young to be the elder, too old to have a bright future, (especially if they have left me their parental genes) but also too young to sit in a chair and wait for god - so she will have to come and find me - because however short or long that time is i intend to fill it and help make that brighter future because we might not realise it but some-one helped make tha brighter futures we looked forward too, they dont just tap us on the shoulder and invite us to step in.

Last night i was digging through cupboards and found a bag with sewing stuff in, and in the bag was a piece of edging that had been so intricately made i marvelled at the eyesight and focus it must have taken to create it - i am fairly sure it would have been my gran who did it, she took in sewing to earn money while looking after her mum prevented her from doing outside work, and i remember her making edgings for plain white pillowcases i still own one of those, but this was even more intricate.
She taught me to hem and darn and sew buttons and maybe that wasnt directly a bright future but it has come in useful all the same- and i am the go too person for sewing on kids badges etc but they dont get away with not doing some themselves so they learn too.
So I was just writing to some-one else before i read this post, about that find, and talking about the textile mills where that side of the familly were employed mainly, and my gran working in one when she was 11, and i was joking about my genes being very confusing which they are -  but looking at the people who were actually around me when i was young, My great Aunt Liily, the rebel, suffergette supporter and political activist then teacher, My other great aunt Annie,  the mill worker who got Tb and ended up not dying from it like so many others, but working in the safer space of the draftsmens office designing textiles, and that TB treatment, being a trigger for my mums  love of countryside and determination to live there, and my gran the carer and my mum the teacher  who found her career was the way to do just that but was helped to get to that level my Lilly the rebel turned teacher.

And there is a bit of all of them in me - i work in design, i love textiles, (i,m a fabric hoarder) I,ve always been the carer starting from being my grans at the age of 16,going into nursing etc etc -
the rebel,  well yes that too and political activist in my time  ( and physically the nearest resemblance too any of that side is with her)  but maybe not enough rebelling,and  now maybe the time for that to be stronger has come perhaps not waiting for god is a kind of rebellion - and using the teacher parts of all those influences in the voluntary stuff i do is a kind of activism by trying to help put right something that is very wrong.
If we want that bright future for our famillies then we can still be a part of shaping that future in some way, for me that is by striving to improve the futures of children that are not mine, and the state of the planet they and mine will all be left with.
Anything you do at all to meet that goal can help - if you pick up some plastic rubbish, just one piece is one less hazard for the ocean.

But we all have different passions, maybe things that make us feel angry or fantastic but it is still a passion.
If you pass on something you have learned, a skill,  even something you see as a hobby, then that is one more thing they have learned.
Plant something with them and you are teaching them how to feed themselves in an uncertain future that might be what they most need to do,
and talk too them, as one day they will recall your storys and maybe those storys will influence how they react to a situation they find themselves in -it could help them to stop bad history repeating or to to re create good history.

You may never see them use it, but that doesnt mean they wont, and like that unfinished bit of edging, it can be left in a cupboard for years before some-one realises its worth, and when they do starts to consider, as i have, the meaning of that influence, -

I dont know how she did it but now i want to know so i can finish it and put it to some use - so she is still teaching me, and ok it wont save the world, but it will make it prettier.

By doing the things you  do and maybe adding some more too them, you wont have spent your time waiting for God in a chair, but have filled it with their futures.- Maybe thats my rebellious side as well, as i said at the start i am not waiting for god she will have to come and find me. :hug: 

Offline Sandra61

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Re: The pain of being a link between past and future.
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2019, 02:51:18 AM »
Waiting for God? Oh no! Not a good idea. If I learned anything from my own parents, it is that whilst you still have life in you, you live and you make the most of it.

It often saddens me to read posts from those on this site, who seem to think that their lives are over because they have lost someone close and don't know how to bear that. Whilst I sympathise and understand why they feel like that, it also makes me a bit angry to read that some people feel they should have/might want to be gone too, to be with the loved ones they have lost. Ok. I did feel that I lacked purpose after my mum died, as I had been her carer and she had been my reason to keep going during the years after my Dad passed away, but although the loss still hurts, I am aware that both my mum and my dad were ones to make the most of their lives while they could and that is the example they set for me, so that is what I have learned to do too.

My Dad always maintained that if you gave up work and sat in a chair, you would die younger and moulder away. He had an eventful life and a difficult one. He had to make many adjustments throughout his life and must have been hurt by some of them. He ended up living in a different country, speaking a different language and none of that was his choice, but he made the most of his lot and married and had a family and laughed and worked and enjoyed his time away from work and never got tired of life. He was a modern man before it was fashionable to be one. He could do everything from cooking to mending the roof and threw himself into any task with such gusto and enthusiasm and seemed to enjoy every task set before him! I have so many happy memories of our lives together.

My mum suffered from ill health throughout her entire life, but she was always a fighter and never gave in to her health problems. On the contrary, she loved to sing and to dance and to laugh and was always making plans and managing the future to ensure we would be in as good a position as she could create for us all and even at 96, when she died, was still planning for the future, writing angry letters to parliament when they did something she didn't approve of and making the most of her days! She never looked back and always looked forward. She treasured her past and all the days she had enjoyed and made the most of all of them too. She didn't want to go and only left when her body just couldn't keep up anymore. She clung on to life for as long as she could and always maintained that our lives were never dull and that there was always a lot to enjoy.

My mum and my dad both survived WWll. Dad was in the RAF and Mum in the ATS. I think that probably had something to do with their appreciation of life and their attitude that you had to make the most of it. They were lucky to survive and I think they knew that and didn't intend to waste any of their time, as a result. They knew of too many others who never got the chance.

So, what did I learn? That life is for living and you have to make the most of every day. You keep on going whilst you have the strength to enjoy it and when you are unwell, you do your best to get better and you keep on making the best of things.

I have a friend who recently lost both his parents and is now trying to find out what it is that he enjoys and wants to spend the rest of his life doing. Like Karena, I tend to work to live rather than the other way round, but I have also made myself go out and find things to do that I enjoy and that give me something to look forward to. This is my time and I don't intend to waste it. My friend tended to live to work, but loss has made him reassess his priorities and move away from that ethos now a bit and he seems to be on a bit of a voyage of self discovery. No sitting and mouldering away for him either!

Life is a gift and we should treat it as such and hopefully, along the way, you will leave the world a better place for having done some good in it whilst you were here, but sitting and waiting for God is not for me. I don't even think that's what God wants us to do. He gave us the gift of life and I am sure he would want us to use it well!

I have no children, nor partner. I do have a niece and my brother and his wife, so when I go, that will be the end of this line of the family, but I don't regret not having my own family. I don't somehow feel that that was ever part of the plan for me. So I'm not living for anyone else now. I'm living for me and I think that's great. No sitting in a chair and mouldering away until I can't do anything else and then I am sure I'll still find something to do, even if it's just write on here and try to help others! Until then, I'll keep on dancing. Maybe you just need to find your equivalent, George. Give it a try! Good luck!

We may be older, but we're not yet dead!

Offline Emz2014

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Re: The pain of being a link between past and future.
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2019, 09:14:46 AM »
I love your last paragraph!  :hearts:
Sometimes we have to search for it, but there is a purpose/meaning out there for all of us. This may change over our lifetimes, maybe several times but there will always be one xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: The pain of being a link between past and future.
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2019, 01:46:41 PM »
I  felt like that myself for a long time, and although i realised that i could never consciousely act to add more hurt to my familly, or any of those who had tried to help me, including people on this site,and knowing from experience just how devastating anothers suicide is how could i do it to some-one else but i could have done it if it wasnt for that.
I was not waiting for god because God was not anywhere in sight, i was waiting for the black clouds - if you have seen/read Harry Potter then you will know about dementors,but its not like the film, mine didnt just appear every so often,  mine sat next to me all the time i could pretend they wernt there so others didnt see them but they were there taunting me all the same.
Its not a state of mind you can help being in and believe me it is one you fight daily to shake off, but its very real and very frightening.

Even when you find a pertonus, a little spark of something that helps, it doesnt just appear like a unicorn in a forest and rid you of dementors, a real petronus  has to be built up with time and it has to grow stronger and you do have to help it to grow stronger it wont thrive if you dont feed it - eventually the dementors moved behind me but sat just over my shoulder then sometimes came back and sucked out any joy or purpose i had, and even though i was running away from them i could never run fast enough to make them disapear.

The spark that became the petronus was a moment when i could suddenly hear a robin singing in a way which defied me to ignore it and at the same time for a moment felt the sun on my back and became aware of something other than my pain. Maybe the demtors took a tea break or maybe the robin was louder than them,but i would remember that moment and try to build more of those moments that i could also recall when the dementors got too close.
I had to use any building materials i could find to create it, some crumbled and i had to find something else - even now i am not dementor free, i can see them over my shoulder still, and feel them move closer as the nights close in but they are furthe away and i do have the weapon to fight them off and I have stopped running because that just doesnt work - its an ongoing battle but i know i cant take the petronus for granted i have to keep feeding it but the more i do the more i win.