Author Topic: Six months  (Read 21947 times)

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Offline Hubby

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Six months
« on: September 19, 2016, 10:51:49 PM »
Well, that's a milestone reached. Six months since I watched my Margaret die.

Have I seen improvements in that time? I would be lying if I said I hadn't improved but sometimes it's difficult to see. The good days go by so fast and the bad days seem to go on forever. One 30 minute sob can seem write off an entire day even if the rest if it was fine.

Today I sat in my van and relived Margarets last hour in real time and in painful detail. I knew today would be bad but I hadn't expected that. It took me three hours to recover enough to drive home. Even though the day had been good up until that point and I even had a good few hours this evening this was a very hard day.

And to think, at the start of the year I thought grief lasted a fortnight.

Offline Norma

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Re: Six months
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2016, 11:11:38 PM »
I remember my 6 month milestone, i struggled to believe i had managed to get that far, think it was at that point i started to think about how was i  going to cope with my 1st anniversary, looking back now i can see how i put myself through so much  pressure, dreading it and imagining how bad it was going to be, i had the date firmly fixed in my mind, so i wasn't expecting the actual day to hit me like it did, whereas the following day being the date was sort of flat waiting al day for something to happen, but it never did. Xx

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Its been a rough week but i made it. How about you 💐

Offline Hubby

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Re: Six months
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2016, 08:22:53 PM »
Thanks Norma. I suppose there are plenty of milestones to come.

Today has been quite a normal day. I was quite surprised after yesterday as I fully expected it to take a few days to get back on track.

I woke up a bit late for work as I didn't get to sleep till late but managed to make a few phone calls to get everything running. After that everything went really smoothly. It was a long day as a few last minute jobs came in this afternoon so I didn't make tea (beef mushroom) till seven. I'm just watching Holby now then it's off to bed because I'm on a training course tomorrow and Thursday.

more days like this wouldn't go amiss.
« Last Edit: September 20, 2016, 10:11:00 PM by Hubby »

Offline longedge

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Re: Six months
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2016, 09:46:50 PM »
The whole family have always made fun of me as a grumpy old git who wouldn't celebrate anything. I've always been adamant that it's "Just another day" but the 23rd Oct won't be "Just another day". It'll mark the point at which I go into my second year. There have been times during this year when I thought I couldn't go on but I managed somehow. It makes me wonder sometimes - how on earth do we keep going, just keep putting one foot in front of the other I suppose   :smiley:
---------------------------------------------
I'll never get over losing her but,
one day I might learn to live with it.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Spaicer

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Re: Six months
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2016, 11:31:32 PM »
I'm struggling so much more the past couple of weeks which took me by surprise, it's 8 months on for me & I have found myself crying more than ever, being upset by the slightest thing. I hardly did any crying after the first couple of weeks & funeral were over, so don't know why I'm like this now.

I've just started a new job & am moving house in 4 weeks so don't suppose that helps having to pack up & moving without Terry - first time in 30 years. Terry was a plumber all his working life & I came across all his tools whilst sorting out the garage, have given them to the local college, they seemed grateful, I hope they can make use of them, he would've liked that.

Getting back to the point, the thought crossed my mind that the anniversary will be creeping up soon. I really don't want the 12th January to be "marked" in any way in our family, our life together was so much more than the day his body just couldn't carry on anymore. I hope I can achieve that for the children's sake.

Offline Joann

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Re: Six months
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2016, 06:44:35 PM »
My first anniversary is on the first of October, not sure how it will be. The 27th of September was the last time my Mum spoke to me and this day I am dreading. I have booked the day off work and not sure what I will do until then.
Taking it one day at a time.

Offline Hubby

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Re: Six months
« Reply #6 on: September 22, 2016, 10:14:06 PM »
Thanks all for the replies. I never realised that these 'anniversaries' would bring the bad  memories back quite so vividly. The day of Margarets death was something I had blocked out completely and hadn't even gone through with my counsellor but on Monday it was like I was there.

Yesterday was a bit of a normal day like Tuesday.  No crying all day but I was a bit more upset st bedtime than 'normal' I didn't get online because I had an exam today and had to do some serious revising.

Today I finished the course and took the exam and, again, it was a 'normal' day up to a point. The course was in a town where I used to work for many years and one of the people on the course used to work with me there so it was s bit like old times. When the course was over I drove home on the route I must have driven hundreds of times when I worked there. As I reached a certain point on the journey I remembered that I would be passing a big shoe store. A thought entered my head ...

"I'll just pop into Wyndsors and get Margaret a pair of ..."

... That was as far as the thought got before I realised. I called myself a fool and promptly burst into floods of tears. I kept bursting into tears all through the journey.

I stopped off at a retail park and bought a small rose plant then went to Margarets grave where I promptly descended into being as low as I have ever been. I pleaded with her to come back and help me. I realised that wasn't going to happen. I entertained the thought of me going to her. I even checked out the branches on a holly tree overlooking the grave to see if they would take my weight.

The thoughts passed. I went home. I carried on.

I got through another day. Not the easiest of days.

Offline angela33

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Re: Six months
« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2016, 12:42:55 PM »
Oh Hubby, my heart goes out to you.  Keep going x

Offline Julie Magson

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Re: Six months
« Reply #8 on: September 23, 2016, 12:57:34 PM »
Bless you Hubby. Sounds like a nightmare of a day, I'm sure there are loads of us who just want to go and be with our loves.

Offline Hubby

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Re: Six months
« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2016, 10:47:23 PM »
Thanks for the replies. Yesterday was definitely a horrendous day.

Today on the other hand has been busy. A contractor kept me waiting for over eight hours to do a job but as I was at the depot awaiting a call I busied myself with lots of little jobs. I even washed my van using little bottles of water. Instead of finishing at half two as I should or even doing an hour or two of overtime I didn't get in till gone eight.

I've only had one little cry just when I got in. My daughter has gone to stay with her boyfriend for the weekend and the house was very quiet and empty. It didn't last long though.

I was going to busy myself painting again over the weekend but I'm thinking of going to see a friend play a gig at a pub tomorrow afternoon. I have to start getting out of the house more.

Hope you all have a decent weekend.

Offline Karena

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Re: Six months
« Reply #10 on: September 24, 2016, 08:50:35 PM »
 :hug: do whatever you're most comfortable with,painting will wait if you want to go out.

Offline Hubby

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Re: Six months
« Reply #11 on: September 24, 2016, 10:18:43 PM »
Thanks Karena.

I went out and had quite an enjoyable afternoon. The gig was actually in an antique and craft fair and I enjoyed looking at the stuff on the stalls a lot of which I remembered from when I was younger. We went to a pub afterwards and had a few shandies.

I came home about six and I got really upset walking home from the station. It's difficult to go back to a house I know is going to be empty. I've had a few sobs since then as well. I don't know why but this last week has been full of real lows. Not full days of it but a good few hours every day. I know I've had better days before this. Maybe it was the six month anniversary that set it off or the thought of having to go through her time in A&E with the local trust on Friday. Then again itcould be that I am missing Margaret more as time goes on.

We shall see.

Offline Karena

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Re: Six months
« Reply #12 on: September 25, 2016, 07:55:05 PM »
 :hug: possibly a combination of all those things hubby.I still don't like going home to an empty house I don't think I ever will and since losing the dog as well its got worse.weather permitting I,m starigt in make a cup of tea and straight out to the garden,but it won't be long before the dark nights put an end to that.Friday nights I try and think of a treat for myself to make it better,buy myself some flowers,chocolates,have a luxury bath,or just something nice for tea.It will never compensate but it takes the edge off a bit.

Offline Hubby

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Re: Six months
« Reply #13 on: September 26, 2016, 01:17:37 AM »
Thanks again for the reply.

I try and get out in the garden when I can not that it's anything to look at. I went out today and mowed the lawn and did s bit of pottering. The weather was too changeable to bother starting oainting or repair work.

Keeping busy didn't help today. I had to stop mowing halfway through for a big cry before finishing it off. My youngest asked if I wanted to go to s retail park with her fiancée and my grandson and as I waited on the front I had another sob. She could see I was upset when she turned up and put her arm around me and asked if I was OK.

The shopping trip was great. I carried my grandson around the toy shops and his face was a delight looking at all the toys. I bought him a jigsaw type puzzle (I had to as he ate the box) and an electronic talking phone he took a shine too. Then we went home and I cooked a chilli for our tea.

After they went I just sat back and watched telly but I've had quite a few cries and another session of pleading with Margaret to come back to me. It's like I've gone back months and the feelings of loneliness and wanting her back are as strong as ever. I'm coping but not very well.

I'm off work this week. I wish I wasn't because it keeps me occupied but I have weeks of leave I have to take before the end of the year. I've a few things that have to be done but the rest of the time I'll just be moping around feeling sorry for myself.

Offline Julie Magson

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Re: Six months
« Reply #14 on: September 26, 2016, 02:19:57 PM »
It's lovely to spoil the grandchildren isn't it? Especially when they 'eat the box'!
I think this is all a new phase about this time because I'm struggling too- I did feel a bit more positive a few weeks ago but I feel like I've taken a step backwards and it's nearly 5 months for me too. I know others from other forums who are the same at this stage.