Author Topic: Help really fed up  (Read 1134 times)

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Offline Bertie

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Help really fed up
« on: July 30, 2017, 07:23:33 PM »
I am really fed up now with being on my own, it has been just over a year, I look around and think what's the point ?

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Help really fed up
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2017, 07:44:42 AM »
A year is a strange time, society often has this idea that everything is fine after a year, then we're surprised when we're still on the grief rollercoaster. 
Are you getting out and about? Xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Gingey

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Re: Help really fed up
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2017, 03:55:44 PM »
Hi Bertie
I know exactly how you are feeling as I am at the same length of time, 1 year and 2 weeks, and I feel list really without my husband and being home alone.
I go out with friends and family for coffee and lunches, occasional theatre trip but they mostly have partners or children waiting when they return home, hard when house is empty


Offline Karena

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Re: Help really fed up
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2017, 08:32:07 PM »
 :hug: that is a hard one when you do go out you wish you hadn't,the empty house awaits,when you're stuck in there alone you don't want to be in either.Being out alone I always felt I should look like I had a reason to be somewhere,not the gooseberry tag along or loner oddity.So I started taking a camera everywhere with me.It started out as a prop,a visable indicator to others that I had a reason to be somewhere,and I set myself tasks related to where I was,a set of shots of building gables in Manchester,Wildflowers,walls,vintage car radiator grills.I would get so engrossed doing them,spotting potential shots and new themes that I would stop feeling self conscious or alone.
Initially I had the dog at home so just that welcome when I came through the door helped,He died last year and it was back to square one with not wanting to come home,I have a fish,not quite the same as a dog,but he does come out to be fed when the door opens,Then on a work day I make a cup of tea,go straight out the back with it and drink it in the garden,then feed the birds I even have some of them who appear as soon as I do.It will never be the same of course,but anything to take the edge off a bit helps.

Offline longedge

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Re: Help really fed up
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2017, 09:24:44 AM »
I know we are all different, I found that the first few weeks running into several months I was busy doing things that 'needed doing'. I've now got to the point where what's not done will most likely stay not done! The biggest problem that I face is that I'm not naturally a sociable person. I always sat quietly in the corner while Chris was in the thick of it at family gatherings and parties etc. I suppose we all find out what suits us in the end, I'd hate to be without my computer and the internet and also my friendly Robin who virtually snatches the mealworms out of my hand when I'm putting them out each morning  :smiley:.
I'll never get over losing her and I used to think that eventually
I would learn to live with it - that's not happened yet.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Karena

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Re: Help really fed up
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2017, 09:53:47 PM »
I have a tame pigeon that was injured by a car and brought to me.He pretends he is independent but keeps popping back I think he thinks I can't see him sitting on my neighbours roof and naughty me but after the fiasco with the neighbours extension last year,I love that he,s doing what pigeons do on their skylight.But I also have scruffy,a blackbird who appears to have had a run in with a local cat and has a bald neck and missing or tatty feathers elsewhere.He appears the instant the back door opens and I aotomatically pick up the mealworm box on the way out now,he must be the most expensively fed blackbird in the country.

Offline longedge

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Re: Help really fed up
« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2017, 12:05:34 AM »
I look around and think what's the point ?

Going back to your point Beritie, I don't think there's an answer to that right from the moment we are born. Is there any more point now than there was then? We all have a limited time and we have to make the best of it that we can. I sometimes wonder how the hell I have got through the last 18 months. I'm sure I don't know because there have been times when I just didn't want to be here any more - but I am. I'm more lucky than many people in that I have close family and friends. It's the thought of what they would do without me that has kept me going  on many occasions and when it wasn't enough - I went to bed and the next day things looked just a little better  :smiley:
I'll never get over losing her and I used to think that eventually
I would learn to live with it - that's not happened yet.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Scared1

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Re: Help really fed up
« Reply #7 on: August 14, 2017, 08:58:03 AM »
Hi to all how have answered this thread, 
I know I'm late in replying but I've just been reading through different posts to try and distract myself for a while & to see I'm not the only one feeling like this.
I too think "what's the point" Bertie,  I'm sorry I don't have an answer but it's good to know you're not alone in thinking this,  and longedge I am exactly the same as you, not being a naturally socialable person,  it makes everything so much harder, yes thank goodness for the Internet...Karena the idea of having a camera when you got out for a walk is a wonderful idea. I am often out walking by myself and do suddenly feel very awkward, especially when there's families and groups of people and I'm the only one on my own,  I definitely think being out with a camera as a visual prop may make me feel a bit calmer xxx

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Help really fed up
« Reply #8 on: August 14, 2017, 09:36:18 AM »
Leading on from the camera idea, if you like photos perhaps consider doing one of the photo challenges you find on instagram.  Theres a couple I have done, they are done for fun, (there's often a prize which can be won if you complete the challenge, which is done on a lucky draw basis)  you get a list of words/theme for each day covering a month, so there may be an autumn theme one and one day might be 'leaves', another day 'green', and lots of other words to base your photo on.  I did one of those earlier on my grief path and I found it helped as it gave me something to focus on/think about, being aware of my surroundings looking for a suitable photo to take, and enjoying seeing everyones submissions - their interpretation of the word and different styles of photo taking.  I found it was like a form of mindfulness and also gave me a sense of purpose when I was out and about (it did also start me off taking lots of photos lol - almost like a photo diary)

If I see another challenge on the page I follow perhaps I should share it with the forum to see if anyone else fancies joining me in a light hearted activity, I know we have a few peeps here who like photography. Or could make our own up to try Xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Scared1

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Re: Help really fed up
« Reply #9 on: August 14, 2017, 09:56:15 AM »
Thank you Emz2014,  this is a lovely idea and something I have not thought about before,  I will have a look on instagram now xxxx

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Help really fed up
« Reply #10 on: August 14, 2017, 10:29:26 AM »
I like the one 'Mrs Brimbles' does on instagram, (but I am a bit of a stationery addict anyway!) but it's been a while since I did one. There are various ones out there, with different themes (pretty sure I saw a calligraphy one too a while back)

More I think about it, if we do have a few people here who fancy doing one maybe I could have a chat with the other moderators and I could set up our own challenge for a month and see how we get on xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx