Author Topic: Searching for meaning  (Read 438 times)

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Offline Kate3027

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Searching for meaning
« on: March 28, 2018, 12:32:55 PM »
I find myself searching for meaning a lot these days.

I am not religious, nor was my dad, but these days I find myself asking, why? What is the point of it all, if we all die in the end? I don't mean this in a suicidal way by any means, I suppose I am trying to justify life and death, to make it make sense to me. My four year old asked me why we have to die at all. To respond "because that's the way it is" is pretty flat and of no comfort or justification at all.

I sometimes wish I were religious, I quite envy those who believe in God who know for certain where a loved one has gone and it was all part of God's plan. My brother has gone down the phsyics route, the atoms that make us up were never our own to begin with, we are just lucky enough to experience them for a while before going on to the next. That doesn't work for me either.

I thought I'd make a breakthrough the other week. It was the first time since his death that I actually felt he'd lived a great life and that that somehow eased the pain, a little. I think that the things people tell you, the "he had a long and happy life" etc, although all of these things are said with well meaning, until you are ready to believe them yourself, they are essentially meaningless. My breakthrough seems to have been short-lived, and now I am right back at the "unfair" stage. Who cares if he had a good life? He's not here anymore. It makes me feel incredibly selfish to think such things.

Can anyone recommend me any books. anythings at all to read, to look at life from a different perspective?

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Searching for meaning
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2018, 08:06:45 PM »
I too am not religious but found myself doing alot of reading and searching for meaning. I found it in reading books around buddhism.  I have taken bits and pieces and it has created my own sense of meaning and purpose. I think the actual process of searching and lots of reading gave me a sense of meaning too

I read many books - the ones which come to mind are radical acceptance by tara brach, comfortable with uncertainty by pema chodron, living dharma by ven lama yeshe losal. (And I think there were more books on my kindle too, all sorts of variety)

I also embraced curiosity and tried things like a day mindfulness course, it had roots in buddhism but was more about being in the current moment than religious beliefs and has helped me introduce things into my life which have definitely helped xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Searching for meaning
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2018, 11:59:19 AM »
I also read a lot of stuff -and took bits from different belief systems.
In a way the certainty of one belief can be a great consolation too the people who have it. Yet so many times on here i have read that people wished they were religious and believed in heaven -and others who were religious and now question that a just god would allow us to go through so much pain and grief, so wherever you are coming from i think everyone questions their belief at this time.
so i think not having a single belief or a set of realted rules to live within also gives us a freedom too explore so many possabilitys In the end i concluded that to dismiss one is really to dismiss them all -including physics
Quantum physics has certainly introduced new thought which contradicts some of those ideas we learned at school so physics in itself could be considered a belief system which is still evolving. - The inability to prove something is true, is not the same as the ability to prove it is not.
So one book is never enough.I have been through the modern religions,the more ancient ones,collective consciousness,done a course on consciousness on which a very eminant neurologist states he has theorys but it is an unknown.
What i learned was to trust my instincts -dont dismiss things a co-incidence or imagination and keep an open mind -because we are asking un answerable questions.

When it comes to grief i think the most liberating thing i read was the theory of continuing bonds. Its a psychological theory -but where it differs from the rest is that it doesnt seek to "cure" us of grief.-So with the others everything is focussed on helping "let go"  breaking the ties  and bonds we had with those who have left us.
This one is about helping us to accept the change of direction that the bond has taken. not cutting it not letting go.

For some, how they do this will be enshrined in their culture,their upbringing, religion etc.and for others it will be simply accepting the change, and affirming we dont know and dont really need to know which direction the bond has moved in, just that it remains.
For me, when i read this i was at the point of thinking there was something wrong with me - i should have let go by now and at the same time recognising i didnt want too -so it was like some-one lifted a big rock off me. It gave me permission to grieve, but also to accept a new bond and build on it without having those certaintys that society seems to require from us.