Author Topic: Am I crazy  (Read 1857 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Bluemoonfairie

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: +0/-0
Am I crazy
« on: September 20, 2016, 03:29:57 AM »
I'm really sorry this is such a long one, and I don't know where to turn, my dad died in January, he took his own life, I haven't really felt all that much about it in alot of ways just numb, anyway alot has happened in the last few months beside dad I had a stalker following after his death and last month found out I was pregnant,baby didn't grow and I was absolutely devestated, it's been three weeks and I stil am devestated, sil just announced she's pregnant and that was like another kick to along line of kicks, my boyfriend doesnt understand how much this has effected me, he's usually very understanding and I know it's been hard on him, I just he says I'm crazy, and selfish and I'm a horrible person and I don't know what to think anymore, I just want to be normal, im nice or so I thought I feel like my life is falling apart around me some days I can't even bring myself to get out of bed but I make myself, I go to work, I try hard every day; my life is slipping away from me and I don't know what to do anymore, I went to the drs and got pills which seem to be working but this miscarriage has really hurt beyond belief, I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm so worried thst I've gone crazy, my heart aches and I'm so lost, how do I be happy, I need to be or am going to loose everything

Offline pennyking

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 216
  • Karma: +12/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Am I crazy
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2016, 07:38:08 AM »
Welcome to our forum.  You have my heart felt condolences for your loses.  You have truly been through a tough time.  Your certainly not going crazy.  Everyone deals with grief differently and every loss is different.  You are doing your best to cope and you are getting through each day.  That's all you should expect from yourself for the time being.  We often beat ourselves up when we think we are not coping.  Please keep talking to us. It will help putting your feelings down in writing.  Take care. Penny  xxx

Offline Bluemoonfairie

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Am I crazy
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2016, 09:28:17 AM »
Thank you penny, I really don't know what to do anymore, feel like my world is jus ending and I really want to be better for everyone's sake,

Offline sue smith

  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 326
  • Karma: +8/-0
Re: Am I crazy
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2016, 04:36:02 PM »
This year has been horrible for you and I can well imagine it's difficult to see any light at the end of it.  You are not going crazy  -  what you are doing is grieving.  I am not sure your boyfriend is helping by telling you what you are doing and feeling is wrong,  right now you need to take good care of yourself,  allow yourself to grieve for your baby and take things slowly, don;t expect so much of yourself.  I hope you will continue to talk to us and don;t worry about telling us anything,  we have been through it all at some time -  there will always be someone who knows exactly what you are going through xx

Offline Hubby

  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1052
  • Karma: +50/-5
  • Gender: Male
Re: Am I crazy
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2016, 08:39:00 PM »
Sue is right. You are grieving. It makes you feel like your going crazy sometimes but you're not.

 :hug:

Offline Karena

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1698
  • Karma: +122/-0
Re: Am I crazy
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2016, 08:45:40 PM »
I can only repeat,no you are not crazy,classic stages of grief include anger,it doesn't make you a nasty person. Neither does feeling resentful of your sil life seems so unfair sometimes.
I have had miscarriages in the past so I understand how difficult it is when you are grieving for a baby that only you ever really knew.And my sil  also became pregnant.When my niece was born she had the misconception that seeing my niece would upset me so tried to avoid me my friend on the other hand put hers straight in my arms and left the room then made me his godmother.Seeing those baby's I realised the resentment /jealousy had gone because I was grieving for my baby and these babies wernt mine,if that makes any sense.

Offline Hubby

  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1052
  • Karma: +50/-5
  • Gender: Male
Re: Am I crazy
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2016, 09:10:13 PM »
Something struck me there Karena.

The line "... grieving for a baby that only you ever really knew".

Margaret lost a baby in between our two daughters. Naturally I was upset yet she was devastated and I simply didn't understand how she had became so attached so quickly. To me my wife was pregnant. That isn't the same thing as having a baby. To her she had a baby from the moment she discovered she was pregnant. I wouldn't have a baby until I held it.

That was a major difference in thinking. When she had the miscarriage she lost a child while I never had a child to lose. Perhaps that is the reason bluemoonfairies boyfriend doesn't understand.

It took me years to understand her pain.

Offline Bluemoonfairie

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Am I crazy
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2016, 09:19:02 PM »
I think that is the reason he doesn't understand perfectly, I read that men arnt fathers until baby is born, but women are mothers as soon as they find out, may not be true for everyone but I think this is definitely true of us, gods is been along day today, a really hard horrible day; it'd the first time I've ever spilled my beans so to speak on any place lile this and I can't believe how much  better I feel about it already, I kmow there are good days and bad and I try to be positive most the time, think I just needed to here that I'm not going mad! Thank you all for grounding me with this

Offline Norma

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 575
  • Karma: +64/-0
Re: Am I crazy
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2016, 11:48:25 PM »
Nu hun you arent going crazy, you are amongst people who inderstand exactly how you are feeling, i lost my first child when he was 2 days old, just to be told by some ugly horrible old midwife, oh Come on stop all this crying youre young enough to have others. i did have two more sons, only to lose one of them when he was 18. So yes life can be very cruel, but stay with us hun we will support you through your bad days xxx

 :hug:
Its been a rough week but i made it. How about you 💐

Offline Hubby

  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1052
  • Karma: +50/-5
  • Gender: Male
Re: Am I crazy
« Reply #9 on: September 22, 2016, 09:52:34 PM »
It does help to write stuff down. It's helped me a lot over the past months. just the act of putting the turmoil in our heads into words seems to get things into perspective.