Author Topic: Hello  (Read 553 times)

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Offline CarolineL

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Hello
« on: February 18, 2019, 04:02:46 PM »
Hi, My name is Caroline, I lost my husband in June 18 after 32 yrs of marriage. He became ill very quickly and within 2 weeks was diagnosed terminally ill with cancer and died. One week everything was fine the next I am arranging his funeral. Its taken me this long to talk about it because I think the shock has only just begun to wear off and I feel lost.
 

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Hello
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2019, 08:46:37 PM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Hello
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2019, 01:02:41 PM »
Hi caroline. I also lost my husband - almost eight years ago, and althought now i think of hime every day still it is more with smiles than tears - in between has been a roller coaster journey where you start to climb a hill then slip back down again as you try and make life into something worth living again Finding this place helped because as you may have already found those around us go back too their normal life and even expect us too as well - just because they cannot understand if they have never experienced it themselves.Being here people had, and the times you think you are going mad or doing it all wrong some-how they were quick to say no this happened to me and i thought that too -we all grieve differently and have different experiences as part of that grief but at the same time find the commonality where we can share and give each other a helping hand or just a virtual cuddle because they help too. :hug: 

Offline CarolineL

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Re: Hello
« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2019, 09:53:24 AM »
Thank you Karena and Emz the hugs are appreciated the last 8 months have been up and down its everything you have to deal with and the same time as missing the one you've lost and the pain can be overwhelming. Yes I think thisa forum will be a help, its good to talk, take care x

Offline Monster Bear

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Re: Hello
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2019, 07:55:52 PM »
Hi CarolineL, I,be been with my beautiful girl for 32 years and nine children. She became ill at the end of September 2018 and passed in January 2019 due to cancer. My beautiful girl was a CUP patient and the cancer was so aggressive that she deteriorated very fast but was wonderfully brave and I am so proud of her 🙂❤️ I donít think Iíve even scratched the surface of coming to terms with this pain Iím feeling and I donít think I probably ever will. So I understand your pain, youíre not alone 🙂
Mad Dad of nine 🤪

Offline Pam19

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Re: Hello
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2019, 05:21:21 PM »
Hello CarolineL. I lost my husband in Oct 18 and although in different circumstances (my husband went to work and didnít come home) I understand how one day everything is ok and the next is life changing.
Iím new to this forum too and hoping to get comfort from talking to others who understand what Iím going through....I hope you do too.

 :hearts: big hug xx




Offline CarolineL

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Re: Hello
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2019, 04:46:12 PM »
Hi Pam and Monster Bear,

Yes Pam it takes some time, keep thinking I'm doing ok and then for no reason I get up in the morning and just feel down all day. In the beginning I used to say 'I'm not stupid, I know he's gone' But honestly sometimes now I have to remind myself that he has gone. Grief can play tricks but I also believe our own inner self protects its self.
Monster bear (9 children) how wonderful, my husband had liver and lung cancer, fine one week diagnosed terminal the next, I think that was a blessing in disguise for both of us, as some face the inevitable for months and months, though at the time I prayed for more time with him now I am pleased he didn't suffer to long.

Hope you both keep in touch, I'm still finding my way around the forum but do feel like its helping, don't feel so alone.
Love and hugs to you both x

Offline Monster Bear

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Re: Hello
« Reply #7 on: March 04, 2019, 01:50:29 AM »
Hiya, hope youíre ok and had a good week 😀
Sadly Iíve had a bad time in the last few days and am badly missing my girl. Totally understandable I know, but very painful all the same.

However, Iím already planning my goals for the future and am coming to terms with accepting Iím going to be alone (without my partner) in the future.

I also feel that Iím now better organised and have the demands of the home and family now under control, so there has been progress.

I guess all I can say is inspite of being in a lot of pain, it is possible to function and get done what needs to be done.

Keep going, all the best

MB
Mad Dad of nine 🤪

Offline CarolineL

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Re: Hello
« Reply #8 on: March 05, 2019, 03:47:42 PM »
Hi Monster Bear,
Sorry to hear you've had a bad week, keep counting those blessing, all the things you are managing, and try not to be so hard on yourself x

I also have had a bad / sad week, my daughters (who lives with me) has been made redundant and I'm so upset for her, its times like these my Darren would hold me and tell me everything's alright but I have to be the supportive one now just feel exhaustipated (my new word for being tired all the time). I am all my children have left so have to support where I can.
Here's to next week MB lets hope its a better one, take care.

Offline Pam19

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Re: Hello
« Reply #9 on: March 06, 2019, 04:29:11 PM »
Iím sorry to hear about your daughter Caroline L....I hope she is able to find work soon....I know thatís easier said than done sometimes ...

I have 2 daughters and although they both have their own places (very close by) and I donít see them every day, I know they are also grieving and I donít always know how best to support them as I am consumed with my own grief.... we do get together for meals etc and talk most days but I know their hearts are broken too and just want to make it better....as we parents do....and this time I canít make it better  :cray:

Xx

Offline CarolineL

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Re: Hello
« Reply #10 on: March 11, 2019, 06:48:59 AM »
I know its hard Pam, we worry about them and we need to look after ourselves too. Thank you for your kind words, my daughter has been fortunate and found work but I just keep worrying about what could come next. You take care of yourself x

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Hello
« Reply #11 on: March 11, 2019, 08:15:00 AM »
There's really no point worrying about the future, Caroline. Dealing with the present is quite hard enough, especially when you are grieving. Try focusing on what you have, rather than what you've lost. It's great that your daughter has found another job. Even small positives can help you feel better. One of the other ladies on here, recommends you look for little things every day that are good, even as small as seeing some flower;, that it is nice weather or some little thing that is good that has happened to you that day, like someone having been kind to you in some way. You can cross tomorrow's bridges when you get to them..xx :hearts:

Offline CarolineL

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Re: Hello
« Reply #12 on: March 18, 2019, 05:10:17 PM »
Sandra, thank you for your supportive word and you are right I have consciously decided to focus on what is good in my life and to try and stop fretting about the little stuff. I think after you have lost someone so close you keep thinking if that can happen what else can but I am very fortunate to have what I do have even though I have lost something so precious I still have so much to be grateful for. There is no point in worrying about the future, what will be will be, whats more important is what we do with our time now. I planted some seeds last week in an incubator as Darren would always set his seeds away for the garden at this time (my first try) and they have grown so tall already. I looked at those small seedlings and thought to myself , see what you can do, was so pleased with myself over something so small. Thank you all for your kind and encouraging words love n hugs :hearts:

Offline Karena

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Re: Hello
« Reply #13 on: March 19, 2019, 12:52:41 PM »
 :hug: well done with the seeds - i think growing stuff and watching the seasons change as well is really therapeutic - and helps to see in front of our own eyes what can come from the harshest winters of our lives.

Offline CarolineL

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Re: Hello
« Reply #14 on: March 19, 2019, 07:08:51 PM »
Yes - Hurry up Spring, cant wait to spend more time in the garden and green house (which is where my rabbit is living at the moment to keep her out of the frosts) come on spring x