Author Topic: Back for the third time....  (Read 272 times)

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Offline Firebelle_uk

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Back for the third time....
« on: March 19, 2019, 05:44:48 PM »
Hello I first benefitted from the wonderful support from this group back in 2005 when I lost my Dad, I then revisited for a while in 2011 when I lost my Mum. Today I am back because on 7th of March I lost my Andy, he was my husband, we were married 32 years and we never finished our honeymoon. I know we all feel our partners were extra special and I haven't come here to tell everyone how wonderful he was.  His passing was a huge shock as in November/December he was beig treated for a trapped nerve. It turned out this was due to collapse of  a vertebrae as a result of Plasma Cell Leukemia, it only effects 1 person in a million, and we never even had the diagnoses until two days before he died.  He was admitted to hospital on 2nd February with what we thought was dehydration and a chest infection and never came out. We were told he had suspected multiple myeloma after a week in hospital and then they were just telling us the "cancer" was more aggressive than first thought. When he passed in ICU he was in complete renal and respiratory failure and severe liver failiure too. To see him there with so many lines etc in was the most horrific thing I have ever witnessed, and the thing I am struggling to banish the image.  He was only 60!
Our son still lives at home and my daughter a short distance away with her husband of five years. I also have a wonderful dog who we got a year ago today. She is actually a "Pets as Therapy" dog and has had a massive healing effect on us all.
I work in an elderly care hime nd the only thing I can think of now is why have they had so much longer than him? That is not like me at all as I am normally a very loving person and call my job my "soul food",
So that's it in a  nutshell, I hope to chat and meet some of you soon x

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Back for the third time....
« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2019, 09:33:48 PM »
Sending you a welcome back hug  :hug: sorry you've needed to come back  :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Dave Administrator

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Re: Back for the third time....
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2019, 12:20:42 AM »
Hello Verena my dear friend.

How sad to hear about your husband Andy, I'm so sorry, you must be in total shock with it all happening so quickly.

I hope you get lots of support here to get you through this very sad time, as I can say hand on heart, if it wasn't for you back in those early days when you were my admin on the old BUK group, it was only you encouraging me to keep going when things got real tough back then when the group almost fell apart.

You take care Verena, and please keep posting, as you know well that getting everything off your chest at this early stage helps heal a broken heart.  :hearts:
Take care and please keep posting however small or large you can manage, we need them.

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Back for the third time....
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2019, 09:02:06 AM »
So sorry to hear about your husband. The speed of how this has happened must be leaving you feeling shell-shocked. We lose people throughout our lives, but every loss is different and we are never prepared for it, are we? This must be different to your other losses and so hard to bear. It's no wonder you feel cheated working with the elderly when your husband has passed at such a relatively young age, but we are fragile creatures and you can never predict what might happen to any of us. My dad always seemed fit and healthy, but died in the space of a few months after suffering two heart attacks, whereas my mum had serious health problems all her life, but survived to age 96! There is no rhyme or reason to anything. We just have to accept whatever comes along.

Don't blame yourself for how you feel either. Working with the elderly must highlight the contrast for you between how old some people manage to get and the fact that your husband did not. It is just part of missing him, that's all. I am sure we would all be the same.

It is good that you have your dog. Pets always help. Having your children close by hopefully helps too. You will get through this and you will find help here. Keep talking. It really is good to talk. Sending you a huge hug..xx  :hug: :hug:

Offline Firebelle_uk

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Re: Back for the third time....
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2019, 03:49:09 PM »
Thank you for the welcomes. Anyone who met me in the past will know I'm not very good at emoticons lol so my posts will be mainly boring old text.
Dave, you blew my cover! Of course I wish I had not had to return, and I do remember and indeed even had a look for some of those earlier posts. There was so much support here and that is precisely why I headed straight back this time :smiley:.
(found it!).
I spent a pleasanyt hour or so in the chat room last night and hve already noticed that several people pop in and out but find it empty. So I was going to suggest a "meet up time" when any one who wamts to chat can, We used to find that just having a time when you knew you were more likely to find someone there was helpful.
Right I must go and take the dog out..... until later....be well xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Back for the third time....
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2019, 10:21:54 AM »
HI i think i may have met you back in 2011 when i came here after losing my husband - its so sad you find yourself back here but its thanks to the support you and others gave me back then that i am still here and still hopefully trying to repay that by supporting others - so thank you for being instrumental in that.

I can understand the way your thoughts are going,before the loss that brought me here i lost some-one else to cancer and shortly around the same time the news anounced a break through in research - and i just thought - how is that good news - its too late - like you, its not at all like me to think like that but it didnt last. :hug:

Thanks for the idea about the chat room - I have put up a post about it on the general discussion board. - i thought if we create a dedicated thread then people can post if theyre going in there or what time they will be around and arrange specific times as you suggested, but all in the same place which might make it easier, and also because i dont know if its just my set up but there isnt a direct link unless you come through the home page so potentially people  are not aware of it  so i will link it from the thread as well so you can go direct from there.
« Last Edit: March 21, 2019, 11:12:32 AM by Karena »

Offline Aure

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Re: Back for the third time....
« Reply #6 on: March 21, 2019, 04:46:44 PM »
Hello.

It is really sad to read your story.
I am really sorry for what happened to your husband

I am really bad at comforting people, all I can say is donít feel bad for thinking how unfair it is for the persons you care at work to have more time on this earth.
I would think the same thing. I though I was awful when i realised I hate my friends for planning their own weddings and going back home to their partners at the end of the day, while I am left with the thoughts it wonít happen again for my fiancť and I.
I though I was terrible and I was ashamed to feel that, until I spoke about it. Itís actually normal to think like you do now.

I wish you a lot of courage and to stay strong !
And I think the idea of the chat box is a really good idea!

Take care

Offline green dragon

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Re: Back for the third time....
« Reply #7 on: April 24, 2019, 02:53:10 PM »
I work in an elderly care hime nd the only thing I can think of now is why have they had so much longer than him? That is not like me at all as I am normally a very loving person and call my job my "soul food",

Sorry to hear about your husband's sudden and socking passing. If it's any help, I too look at people older than my late Mum and think  the same thing you do. I think it's a normal response to a sudden loss of someone not really old. I also would in a blink "trade" the rest of my family for more time with Mum... mean but true. Now it's probably not the time to judge our emotional responses, just let them be whatever they are.